Stars on the Water
by galadriel-freak
Summary: Atlantis seen though new eyes, my first atlantis story... please give it a chance... takes place during and after the Seige
1. I want to change places with Ripley

**Stars on the Water**

By Azrena

_Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis doesn't belong to me, the characters, the city, nothin' is mine; I'm just barrowing them. Dr. Emily Ashta is mine though, stored in my hard dive until I need her, any other character that I happened to come up with is mine to. _

_Spoilers from second half of first season though current episodes. The story is an AU, but then again… I think most fanfic stories are AU. _

_For Wendy: for constantly listening to me babble on about things she knows nothing about… and for "supporting fan fiction."_

…oooOOOooo…

**I WANT TO CHANGE PLACES WITH RIPLEY**

They've been coming for weeks. Normally countdowns… countdown to something exciting such as birthdays or vacations or movies coming out… I don't want this countdown to end, cause at the end I see death and destruction; the fear in my stomach eats me away … slowly… a little bit more everyday.

I've never been the kind to get many nightmares, but lately that's all I've been getting, I see the Wraith looming over me, feeding on my friends and colleagues, finding a way past our defenses and reaching Earth. I'm sure lots of people here have been having that nightmare lately. Sleeping and awake, there is a consistent voice in the back of my mind, degrading myself for agreeing to come on this mission. Stuff like this is meant for those who are brave, who don't live their lives with their noses in books and telescopes. Yet here I am, not just hundreds of miles away from home, but millions of light years… 5 million… ish.

What really sucks, is when I look at the night sky, I don't even recognize the stars, stars I knew by heart on Earth. Yet here… here they are only foreign designs filling a dark sky. I try and make a new constellation every night. Mapping the new sky was a slow painstaking process, but there's no way I would an opportunity anywhere close to it on Earth. I guess that's what makes living here worth it. Putting up with leaving family and friends, TV and movies… and sports, oh I missed Hockey. That voice in the back on my mind was shut up when I thought about what I was gaining, opportunities to absorb new information…I always craved new information.

…oooOOOooo…

Space always interested me, growing up I just wanted to travel the stars. My dad started pointing out constellations to me when I was five. I raided the children's section of the library for any book with rockets and stars. My favorite one, I still remember it, is the Magic School Bus, the one where they tour the solar system, remember that one? After reading any book I could get my hands on, soon I knew more than my dad and had to discover things on my own. At twelve you think about all sorts of romantic ideals about what you want to be when you grow up. Astronaut was on the top of my list, well… the only thing on the list, so what if I was (still am) afraid of flying. I thought that the best place to learn about the stars would be in space. Then I found the book "Contact", sure, it was an insanely large book for a fourteen year old, but then again most fourteen year olds weren't reading college textbooks on astronomy. Looking back, I think that's what changed me, that book. That was the first time I really realized that I could "live" in space, study it, my mind could constantly float around in it, without having to physically be in space. That there were people whose lives were dedicated to learning about this stuff, figuring out what was going on up there. Ellie Arroway became my hero. Information didn't just magically appear in those textbooks, someone had to discover it first.

In college, I never stopped taking classes, there was no summer break for me, I felt like my mind would unlearn what I'd crammed into it. Bachelors degree in two and a half years. My parents were amazed. Grad school… and I couldn't even drink yet. I stayed close to home, I couldn't get up the nerve to move away from my parents, I wasn't ready to grow up that much yet.

To this day, the events that lead me to the Stargate program and Atlantis are muggy, I don't know what happened behind the scenes. I got a job at NASA after getting my doctorate. In school I realized that the best places to be on the cutting edge of new discoveries, is with the government. Walking in one Monday I found a red trimmed file sitting on my keyboard, 'CASSIFIED' written across it in large red letters. My security clearance wasn't high, I was just an astronomer after all. The file contained a star's spectral analysis, didn't even say which one. Most of it would be gibberish for most people, but I read it like it was a second language. I'd never seen anything like it, there were elements that don't belong in stars. Unknown to me, I'd risen to be highly regarded by the powers that be in the government, and in astronomy. Someone in the new Stargate program had recommended that the baffling star's elemental breakdown be passed along to me. This was back when the program was just getting off the ground apparently and they didn't have many astronomers on their team yet. I can only assume that one of the few they did have, had read some of my papers, and research and thought that I could solve their mysteries. Slowly, I started getting more problems to look at, images to analyze and more sun spectrums. I'd never seen anything like them… I tried to find answers, but most were just theories, guesses. Little did I know, that I'd been helping the SGC study and travel the galaxy for years.

I'd gotten an email from a Dr. Weir, one Monday. She wanted to see me, set up a meeting. A week later she knocked on my door.

"Dr. Ashta?"

"Dr. Weir, come in."

She told me that she was from a program called 'Stargate' and that they were the ones sending the files. She said my work was "vital" and "important" to the program. Normally I would just think she was your typical government type, everything was important and the end of the world is always around the corner. But there was something about Dr. Weir, I don't know… maybe I trust to easily, but I couldn't understand why those files were so important. All I'd done was send them my best guesses, I'd never given them an absolute answer for anything, there's no way I could…

"We want you to come out and take a look at something for us."

"What?"

"I can explain everything on the way."

My curiosity over what I'd been unknowingly working on for so long got the best of me. I was surprised to find out that I would be leaving in three hours. Dr. Weir said that I couldn't tell my family where I was going, so I sent them a email telling them I was going to Hawaii, to do some research at the KECK telescopes and that I didn't know when I'd be back. I'd been there before and they wouldn't second guess me. _Don't worry… I'll pick up my email everyday…_ I promised.

I hate flying, I don't quite know why. It's not the turbulence, or a fear of crashing. It was the small things, like the way my ears never popped and stayed clogged for days, it was the way the sun always seemed to find a way to shine right in my eyes though someone else's window, and it was the fact that I can never stand up and my knees are always bruised from the seat in front of me. Dr. Weir wouldn't tell me where we were going until we got on a non-civilian plane, that's when I found out that we were headed to Antarctica. I was just hoping it wasn't windy, I love cold and snow, it's the wind that I can't stand. I had to sign a new confidentially agreement, that's how I knew that whatever I was about to find out, it was big. I was right, I got a crash course on the Stargate, Gua'uld, Ancients, the battle over Antarctica, my head was spinning when we landed on a frozen chunk of ice in the middle of nowhere. I never went back to my office at NASA again.

…oooOOOooo…

And now I'm here, in another galaxy, with life sucking aliens that make me wish I was in Ellen Ripley's place instead, even those aliens seemed nicer then what was knocking on our door. And her's weren't coming for me either….

…oooOOOooo…

_Okay, please review, I will be very thankful. BTW, 100 bonus points if you know who I stole my title from, he's my favorite singer…_


	2. The calm before the

_Note: This is defiantly an AU. I will admit, I sorta change around the events in "Seige" to fit my needs… I would love it if you just kinda float with me on that…wink wink_

**THE CALM BEFORE THE…**

Once a day, just after the department head's meeting; Dr. Mckay had a… sub-department head meeting… for lack of a better term. The leaders of the different science branches (and whoever else wanted to come) gathered in the large lab next to Mckay's office. Ah… Dr. Mckay,…what is there to say about him, He's an…well… an interesting person… to say the least…

"…we need to continue packing up anything that is not absolutely essential. Major Sheppard has yet to find a new Alpha site and the moment he does I want our equipment to be ready to ship out…"

Two days, that's how long we have until the Wraith are over us. We may not have an Alpha site right now, the Wraith had found our last one, but the evacuation schedule still stood. Those who were lowest on to totem pole were the first ones to go though, along with a few military personal to secure the place. I was the first outside astronomer Dr. Weir had brought down to Antarctica. When choosing the members for the expedition, she had chosen me to lead the small Astronomy team. I was honored, and amazed. None of the astronomers on Atlantis now had ever worked at the SGC, a few had unknowingly helped them, like I did. I was surprised at Weir's choice, there were only four of us, but I was sure that others had more experience then me; she said that she rather work with me than any of the others, that I was the most grounded. So I was in the middle of the evacuation line. I had to make sure everything, person and piece of equipment in my command got though the gate before me. My command… that sounds crazy… I never thought I'd carry responsibility like this. Granted it wasn't much, there was only three people below me and I never 'pulled rank' or anything; but still, more then I ever held myself accountable for.

I know Mckay was the head of science here… but he was always off world with Sheppard and Ford. And come on, he's not exactly the… pinnacle of civility. Most people, when they had problems, went to Radek. He's just…well... easier to get along with, to but it mildly. Physicists and engineers are both odd breeds though. There was friendly rivalry among the scientists on Atlantis, physicists, engineers, astronomers, geologist, the few chemists, etc. Everyone tried to prove they were the smartest, that they're department was the best. We all called each other names, played jokes on each other. We did band together though, to pick on the "_Yes, Sir's_" as we called them.

Today's meeting was short; Mckay had just gotten the go ahead to try and get the weapons satellite up and running again. Barely five minutes long, there wasn't much today, we all knew what was coming and what we had to do.

"Dr. Ashta," Dr. Zeleka called over to me as the meeting ended.

"Yeah," I walked over.

"Did you figure out the mysterious readings from the long range sensors?"

That almost caught me off guard, we were facing imminent destruction and yet we scientists were still curious about the oddities of Pegasus. We've been preparing for the attack for weeks, but we didn't come here to prepare for an evacuation. "Yes, just as I thought, they aren't artificial. It comes from the combination of a star going nova and the effect it had on a close by dark nebula. The reaction it caused was what we picked up. I'm not sure why Atlantis' systems didn't recognize it? Probably because it still don't have 100 power running to it."

"Yes… well none of us do," he smiled and jogged to catch up with Mckay again, he started arguing about going to the array in place of Mckay, fat chance, Mckay was far to stubborn to give in. I glanced quickly at the computer Radek had been working on, a simulation of Atlantis breaking up. Remind me not to be here when that happens.

We didn't have much to pack up… less then other departments. I had most of the equipment packed up as soon as I heard the Wraith were coming, mostly as protection, telescopes were fragile. Otherwise, our hard drives and other computers were ready to be boxed up as soon as we get the word to leave. My department was ready.

…oooOOOooo…

My own stuff on the other hand, now that was a different story. Everything I brought with me could fit in the one bag it was brought in, but I didn't have the heart to back it all up. Waking up my personal laptop, I took my Ipod out of my pocket and plugged it in, I was very happy that the tiny speakers the computer had were much more powerful then they looked. I needed music.

I'm glad that Ipods are so small, I was able to sneak it in my pocket when we left Earth. I couldn't hide it for long, we got here and I wasn't surprised to find out there were more then a few others who had done the same thing. I raided every possible piece of music I could get my hands on. I always thought that Apple was insane for coming out with a 60G version, why in the world would anyone need it, who in the world could fill that thing with music, 50G later I wanted an even bigger one. I even got a few hundred pictures on there too, reminders of what I left behind. I need music, I can't stand silence… okay that's not true, there are a few moments that deserve silence. For the most part though, music is always good, everyone around me has gotten used to the fact that I sing to my self constantly. Once and a while I get a bit too loud, "Em…. Singing…." I don't mind, I know I'm tone deaf.

The Bob Seger play list was coming to an end when Owen and Vivian knocked on the door.

"Hey guys."

"Food," Vivian said, "Come eat…"

"Just a sec," I pressed stop on my Ipod and was out the door. Dr. Owen MacManera and Dr. Vivian Dowson were two of the other astronomers on the expedition.

The food wasn't exactly something to write home about, I didn't really mind though. It had been early morning last time I ate. I, like most everyone else, survived on coffee. The meat on the menu was something from the mainland the Athosians hunted, tasted a lot like deer. I wonder if it looked like deer before it was killed. I slapped the hunk of meat between two pieces of bread, everything was better as a sandwich. The mess hall was fairly empty, around 9pm most people were done with dinner and back to coffee.

"The whole city's quiet," I said swallowing.

"The quiet before the storm." Owen said.

"No… the storm already hit." I smiled.

"The quiet before the invasion is more like it." Vivian said, shuttering under the thought. At least I'm not the only one.

…oooOOOooo…

_wait, don't give up on me yet, exciting stuff starts next chapter, action action action!… it will be posted soon, cause it's already written._


	3. Wraith

_Note: I wrote this long before Seige 3 aired… so like last chapter this is still my own little AU. _

**WRAITH**

The Wraith were here, looming over the city. Dr. Weir has already ordered the evacuation, for the second time. Most of my team had gone though before Col. Everett and the military reinforcements came. When I ran over the inventory for the last of my department though the gate, that last of the equipment boxes and Owen were all that was left.

"Owen, where's box 6?"

"I should be here, I brought everything from the lab."

"Was it moved to the charting lab with everything else?" I look at my list.

"I don't know, I assumed it was." Damn it Owen… don't assume, not now…

"Shit… okay, I'm going back for it,"

"We're set to leave in ten minutes."

"If I'm not back, get this stuff though the gate and I'll catch the next group."

"But…" he tried to stop me.

"I'm not leaving anything behind!" I yell as I run out of the gate room. It takes me five minutes just to run down to the lab. I didn't pass anyone…or anything… on the way. The room is empty, "Shit," I say to myself. Checking around all the tables, making sure it's not hiding behind something, nothing. Quickly I run down the observation lab; where the information from the wide array of telescopes, usually set up around Atlantis, were analyzed. Again the room is empty, save one large black box.

Footsteps down the hall, not the heavy boots of the expedition members. There aren't any Athosians left in the city, except Teyla I'm sure. The Athosian's steps were light and quiet anyway, not clunky and loud like these. That leaves one option, a Wraith was coming, I didn't think they were this far into the city. Shit. I freeze, what do I do. Franticly I look around for any place to hide. There's nothing, nothing left in the room besides the box I came back for and tables in the empty lab. Closer. Damn, there's no time to move the box under a table and block me in, that would make too much noise anyway. Closer. I dive under the table against the wall, next to the door. Please let him just glance in the room, no, let him just skip the room all together, he doesn't know I'm here. Closer. I can't stop my shaking, frightened that it could somehow hear my fear. I can't breath, or am I hyperventilating, I can't tell. I'm sweating though, it's dripping down my face, or are these tears. The sounds stop, he's right outside. I force myself to stay perfectly still, hugging my legs to my chest like a child. To afraid to move my head, I look as far as I can to the right with my eyes, he's in the room, even his boots scare the hell out of me. I try and blend into the wall, trying to become invisible. It's sniffing the air, an animal hunting for prey. It's in the middle of the room now, slowing scanning the room, its smells me. Shit this is it, I am going to die, why did I have to come back for some stupid box. Suddenly the table is thrown off me, I scream out of instinct. It raises a hand, grabs me and I'm thrown across the room, it wanted to shut me up. I scream again, please let there be a solider near by, someone with a gun, please let them hear me.

It's standing over me again. Why can't I run, why can't I crawl away, kick him, anything. I'm frozen in fear. Thud. The Wraith wobbled for half a second and regained its balance, that was a bullet, someone heard me. The Wraith's head snaps to the left, I can't see who's at the door, who's saving me. More thuds, more bullets, how many did it take to kill this thing. Finally the Wraith stops moving and the person behind the gun walks in the room, stands over him and shoots in the head, point blank.

It's Major Sheppard. "You okay?"

I just stare at him, I try and say yes, or no, something, anything; but my voice won't work. I'm standing now, how did I get off the ground. Must have been the Major, his hand is still supporting my arm, balancing me, I slump against the wall behind me.

"Can you make it to the gate room?" Somehow I nod, or at least I'm fairly sure I nodded since the Major started rushing me out the door . I turn and motion to the box, the reason I was in this mess. "Forget the damn boxes, just get out of here." He leads me down the hall and around the corner. Coming towards us is a small team of Marines, I don't know any of them, they must have just come though the gate. "One of you, take Dr. Ashta to the gate room,"

"Sir?"

"Look, I don't want any civilians out here, and I need to get to a jumper, I'm faster without her, now make sure she gets to the damn gate room!" He said sternly. Normally the Major was so friendly… smiling… I was suddenly reminded that he was a military man.

"Yes, Sir." He motioned to the one in the back, "Stevens, take her."

The walls were a blur as moved though the city. I don't know if I would have made it without the guy pushing me forward. Wow, we're already here, the Marine left me, with out a word, at the bottom of the stairs. Leaning against the wall I slid to the ground. Sweat and tears were still dripping off my chin, and something else, metallic. What's wrong with me, why am I so petrified. Sure a Wraith almost just killed me, but I am thirty three years old, I shouldn't be sitting here in shock. Is that was this was, am I in shock, stuck within myself. Time was a blur, no one made any sign that they noticed me there. People ran here and there in front of me. Why aren't they opening the gate, why aren't they letting me go, away from the Wraith? My mind slightly focuses for a moment, I hear Dr. Mckay's and Dr. Weir's voices drifting from somewhere above me. Something about Major Sheppard, and a Jumper…. A bomb. He is up there about to kill himself to save the city and I am just sitting here. I phase out, more time passes…

…oooOOOooo…

"Emily?… Em?…. Come on lass… Emily?" someone gently shakes me, there's pressure on my head. My eyes try and focus on the figure in front of me, Dr. Beckett… Carson… I tried to feel what was on my head, the pressure. It was Carson's hand and gauze. I looked at my hand… blood, when did I cut myself? "It's okay, Emily I need you to look at me." I looked around, there weren't that many people around but those who were ran quickly to where ever they were going.

"What happened." My voice only half worked. My chest burned, I felt like I had just finished a five-mile run. With each breath my chest tightened.

"It's over, the Deadalus arrived from Earth. The Wraith are gone." He picked up my hand and brought it to my head. "I need you to hold this." I do as I'm told, looking down I see that my blue shirt has turned purple from blood, that can't all be mine can it "You'll be fine love, head wounds tend ta bleed a lot, that's all. Come on, up we go." As soon as I stand up a wave of dizziness washes over me. Without meaning to I lean into him trying to find my balance again. "I got you, you're fine." Finding my feet, I'm able to stand on my own power. "come on, I'm heading down to the infirmary right now, I'll take you there myself." We start walking. "Someone will clean that wound out an' stitch it up. Then you can get a good rest, you'll feel much better after some real sleep."

Once we get to the infirmary, Dr. Beckett tells one of the nurses to take care of my head. I know him, I can't remember his name, Ted? Todd?... Tim, that's it. I hate needles, but right now, I don't really care, as long as it stops the pounding. It was about twenty minutes before the place was buzzing with activity. Beckett and a few of the nurses who had not evacuated, had spent the lull before the crowd preparing the place for the inflow of people. Now most of the medical team had come back though the gate to tend the wounded. Tim left and came back. "Dr. Beckett wanted you to have these," he held out a small cup containing pills. "It's Tylenol for later. Go on back to your room, it's going to get pretty busy in there, " he smiled. "Go clean yourself up and get some rest, they'll be plenty to do when you wake up. He also wanted you to come back some time tomorrow so someone can check on your head."

"Thank you," I manage in a small voice. And slowly I make my way back to my room. And my bed.

…oooOOOOoo…

_please review… cause it would really make my day… _


	4. scopes and aches

_Yeah, I know, it took me a LONG time to update… classes have been crAZY! But I have the next one written... there's only two more…_

'**SCOPES AND ACHES**

I stood in the shower for what seemed like hours, the water washing everything away. My hair is cleaner then it's been in a long time, washed over and over. I scrub my skin, hoping to wash away the tingle that still creeps over my body.

Where did the idea start that you are safe under your covers? That the monsters can't get you? I can't curl up small enough, cover myself up enough. The ceilings in Atlantis are smooth, there's nothing to count, nothing to occupy your mind. Why am I laying here while I'm sure others are securing the city, bringing back the rest of the population, trying to get things back to whatever passed as normal. My own team is back no doubt, resetting up the lab. I hear something outside my door, I set up; no, the Wraith are gone. There's nothing out there to get me anymore. I should be in the astronomy lab, make sure nothing got damaged, that everything gets back to where it should be. Pulling my uniform back on I quickly make sure the bandage is still stuck to my head, that's going to leave a mark. A deep breath calms me before I open the door.

Once I reach the main astronomy lab I see that everyone is back and the boxes are beginning to be unpacked.

"Emily!" Vivian spotted me first. Her eyes went wide when she saw the gauze bandage with a small spot of red in the center. "Are you okay, what happened?"

"I see everyone is back and safe." Smiling, trying to pass things off as normal.

Connor was carefully trying not to drop the one for the smaller graphing telescopes. Apparently Emily's exuberant greeting had made him jump. Then again, he was always jumpy. Was he even old enough to have his doctorate? "We just got back, we were wondering where you were, especially when you didn't come though the gate with Owen."

"And when the next evac never came…everyone thought the worse." Owen said.

"Yeah well… the Wrath are gone now, so let's get this place back to working shape." I slap my hands and rub them together in preperation. "Just because the Wraith attacked doesn't mean Mckay's going to let us slack on our weekly reports. We got unpacking to do."

…oooOOOooo…

"Emily," I jumped at Vivian's voice, hitting the top of my head on the bottom of the table.

"Ouch," rubbing my head, my head was already pounding, I need to stop hitting it. I crawl out. "Viv, yeah, what's up?"

"What are you doing down there?"

"Hooking back up some of this gear." I motioned behind me to the computers that ran the radio telescopes stationed around the city.

"It's three in the morning, don't you think you should be heading to bed."

"Is it really that late?" There's no way time has passed that fast.

"Emily, your hand is shaking…"

Setting down the cables I press my hands firmly to the table. "I just lost track of time and just haven't eaten in a while, I'll be fine once I eat."

"The mess is closed…"

"I'll find a Powerbar somewhere, I'll be fine," leave me alone.

"What happened when the Wraith?"

"What'cha mean," Picking the cables back up, I lean back around the screen, plugging them into the back.

"Well, you were stuck here during the attack, you weren't here when we got back, no one knew where you were, and you're head is bleeding. You keep avoiding my questions, this isn't like you Em."

"I fell and hit my head, that's all."

"What were you doing when you fell?"

"Um… I don't remember…" trying to pass it off as nothing.

"I'm not sure," she mocked, "you sound like a kid."

Suck it up, "I ran into a Wraith."

Vivian was quiet, "Are you okay."

"It wasn't a big deal, I barely saw it." Except it's eyes will haunt my nightmares for years.

"I don't know what to… did it… you know…. 'palm' you?"

"'palm' me," Looking back at her with a tension breaking laugh. "What am I a basketball, do I look older to you?" crawling back under the desk. "No it didn't attack me, just gave me a scare."

"How'd you get away?"

The one way every woman on this base want to be saved, "Major Sheppard killed it."

"Oh… I'm so… so sorry." There was no more concern in her voice, that conversation had ended. No, now; now she was all sarcastic.

"Right I'm sure you are," crawling out, tapped a little rhythm out on the table. "Alright, time for food."

…oooOOOooo…

I got back to my room around four. Three hours of sleep should be enough, enough time to make Viv and the others happy, and I can be back in the lab early. At first I keep the bathroom light on, but the shadows and my imagination were scarier then the darkness. My whole body is aching and exhausted and I can't for the life of me get comfortable. No matter how I sprawl out or curl up, everything still hurts. Especially my head, right behind my eyes and up my right side is still pounding, is that feeling ever going to end. Carson's happy-bye-bye-pain pills must have worn off. I should go get some more, didn't he want to see me anyway today, but I'm sure a visit would involve poking and prodding and needles.

This seems oddly familiar, wasn't I just laying here a few hours ago? Staring at the Technicolor light show inside my eyelids. I wonder if anyone else see that? Most peope just say they see black when they close their eyes, but I see color. Moving tie dye stains, or soap bubbles or water balloons filled with paint exploding. Except they are brighter now, maybe it's the concussion? Or maybe there's still some pain drugs in my head, maybe that's what's keeping the fireworks exploding in my eyelids.

Okay, that's it, I can't lay here any longer.

…oooOOOooo…

"Meanwhile, back at the lab," it's empty of course. We set radio telescopes up around the city, scanning the skies. Four powerful duel-processing computers sit in the far corner of the lab, constantly monitoring what the dishes pick up. Looking for anything that might be a pattern, artificial; or looking at objects that emit radiation in the longer frequencies. The computers are able to create a picture where optic-based telescopes see nothing. Although here in Pegasus they are looking for more then just that, they are looking for anything that might be the Wraith or something else that wants to ruin our day. Pulling up a chair, curling my leg; I remind myself that when I get up, it's really going to hurt. Then again, I never follow my own advice.

Plugging a headset in and tuning in to the first dish, I heard nothing. Second dish is the same. The radio dishes around Atlantis were grouped into four groups, three at each of the large arms and the last group on the main tower. Each were capable of acting on it's own, collecting shorter radio and microwaves, or all in a group to form the largest radio telescope in history. I was proud of that fact, that I had wired together such a beast, a dish as big as the city. Normally the dishes would have to be close together to act as one, laid along veins such as the VLA (Very Large Array) in New Mexico. But leave it to the military to conceive of something better, I would never of gotten my hands on it if I hadn't joined up with the Stargate program. Hell I wouldn't have even thought it was possible, but you can do wonderful things with a little alien technology. The last telescope in the group is probably not working also… yep, no joy. Normally I would have gone out, investigate and fix; but very much lacking the energy at the moment, I decided to send people out later. Ah, the perks that come with command. Well, at least one of the scopes is working. For some reason I always think that I'll be able to pick up some faint pattern or something else that the computers miss, highly unlikely, but I listen all the same.

The background cosmic radiation acts like a sort of white noise, not putting me asleep, but almost in a kind of trance, dazing out. Any sort of rest is better then nothing. Hours pass quickly, noting unusual comes across my ears.

CLAP "Shit!" I practically fall out of my chair. "Owen, what the hell are you doing!" Recovering back into my chair.

"What are you doing crashed out in the lab listening to static at half past the crack of dawn?"

I just haven't gotten any sleep in close to 36 hours. Up for almost two days straight before the Wraith got here and no sleep since the attack, I'm just desperate for anything at the moment…"Just woke up early that's all. Aaaaummmummmm" I hum out, trying to remember what I was going to ask him, oh yeah "… the dishes are out on the tower, could you check those out before you start things this morning?"

"Yeah, no problem; I'll wait till Viv gets in, those things are her baby. She can get them to do anything."

"That's fine," Checking my watch, "She should be in any time." I stretch, yawn, and try and stand up. "Eeaaaaahh," As I fall back into the seat, my knee and ankle cry out; everytime, I flex my leg, I need to stop sitting on my leg.

…oooOOOooo…

Connor was wandering in and out, unpacking and setting up the last of the equipment, while I filled out paperwork waiting for Viv and Owen to reach the dishes.

"Dr. Ashta, how is the unpacking going?" Dr. Zelenka wandered into the room, pushing his glasses up on his nose.

"Hey there," oh thank you, a reason to take a break. "It's going good, Dr. Manganello is getting the last of the equipment out of boxes. Making sure no one got greedy and snatched one of the Celestron scopes." I smiled and leaned back.

"Yes, well, everyone would like one I'm sure. All want to find and name a star for family back home."

"Yeah, everyone wants to be an astronomer until it comes to the number crunching. Besides, I got a big family, I may need all those stars…"

"Emily," Vivian's voice popped up in my ear.

Tap, "Yeah, I'm here."

"Well, I know why the radio dishes aren't working..."

"… Okay… would you care to fill me in… my telepathy isn't quite working today."

"Someone cut the wires."

"What?"

Owen's voice cut in, "The wires to the power source were severed."

"By who?" Radek asked, obviously curious.

"We have no idea," Viv said. I can just see her shaking her head and kicking something. For some reason she always thinks violence and technology mix well. "Owen, look at this."

"What is that?" scrapping came over the radio.

"What's going on?"

"We found something." Vivian explained.

"'Something' that doesn't tell me much."

"Viv it's blinking…"

"ShitOwenrun…." Static followed.

"Viv… Owen… guys…" panic started creaping in my voice…

I was already out the door in a dead run, with Connor and Radek close behind.

"Rodney," Zelenka called as he ran.

"What!" he said impatiently.

"We just lost contact with people at the radio dishes…"

Rodney interrupted, "Who was there, there was just an explosion!"

Somehow I start running faster, I'm not tired anymore.


	5. bombs go BOOM

_In sticking with the AU feel of this… Ford never freaked out… I like him too much so he's here when he shouldn't be…_

…oooOOOooo…

**bombs go BOOM…**

The door to the balcony was around the next corner. Turning that corner meant going from the pristine lines of ancient architecture to the chaos a bomb creates. Connor didn't stop as quickly as I did, almost tripping over me. Lights flickered, glass fragments scattered across the floor like confetti. The force of the explosion had been sizeable, what else could cause these walls to crumble like a kid kicking down Lego walls. Quickly I made my way though the mess finding the door that lead to Viv and Owen, hopefully they somehow survived this anarchy. The door doesn't opening at my presence, not surprising, one side is pushed in from the blast, leaving a gap I can wedge my hand though. Hopelessly I try to push the other side open; it's not completely bent out of shape, it might retreat along its tracks. Connor and Radek are quickly on either side of me, pushing and pulling, attempting to muscle the door open.

It seems like forever, like hours to crack the doors far enough to squeeze though. Radek followed, I hear lots of new commotion back in the hallway. That had better be the medical team. Someone called for one didn't they, I didn't, I'm afraid we're going to need one. Wait… that's Carson's voice, thank goodness. There's not much debris laying around, the only things that were here to be destroyed where the radio telescopes, they pack up small, but unfolded they were close to six feet in diameter. Okay, there are two of the dishes, or at least enough pieces to make two of them

"Em!" Connor yells behind me. Turning I find the last dish smashed in the corner, with Vivian and Owen smashed behind it. They must have tried to dive behind it, using it as a shield. I'm sure it was better then nothing, but it still blew them across the balcony, sharply sandwiched them into the wall. The three of us carefully but swiftly pick the crumbled dish off them. Suddenly there are several more people crowding us; looking up as I lift off the last piece, I see Carson hovering over both of them, checking for vitals.

"I've got pulses, but they're both very weak."

Someone is pulling me back, out of the way of the medical team; it's Radek. Getting my first good look at my colleges, my friends. It looks as if they were both trying to cover and protect each other from the blast, they both had the instinct to save each other. "Oh, my god," exhaling quietly, how did this happen. The long antenna, usually centered in the dish, is now sticking out of Vivian's back.

"Get the backboards over here…" Carson yells back at the door. Most of the conversation and words passing between the medical team are as foreign to me as the Czech that Radek is always spewing out. I do know that things aren't good, I can hear that much in Carson's voice. Sheppard came though the once narrow door. He and Ford managed to open it further, they both disappeared at Carson's command into what once was the hallway, reappearing with backboards. I want to rush forward, be at their sides, help my friends in anyway, help move their lifeless bodies. Connor held his hand on my shoulder, he knows what I'm thinking.

"There's enough people with them already, they know what they are doing."

Ford and Sheppard, come on, what do they know about triage? They've seen combat injuries I guess, and Ford is familiar with explosives, he's dealt with explosion victims perhaps. Stop it, stop second guessing them. They know what they are doing. Carson is still barking orders as they all move toward the open door. Owen is flat on his back, neck braces, is there any part of him not covered with blood? Viv is slightly on her side, they haven't pulled the antenna out yet. They both have clear masks over they face, being pumped with air, doesn't that mean they aren't breathing. My only medical knowledge comes from watching 'ER' as sad as that is. Oh this is bad; bad, bad, bad. I follow the gaggle of people as close as I can. Waiting around the corner were the gurneys, which weren't able to rolled past the debris. Once there, they moved though the corridors as fast as they could. Sheppard and Ford backed off once Viv and Owen were on the gurneys, and had fallen back with Zelenka. I can only assume they were securing the area, making sure nothing would collapse, listing what was salvageable and what was lost.

…oooOOOooo…

They won't let us in the infirmary; I can't even see anyone anymore from where I stand in the hallway. No one came out to see us, I hope that's a good thing. I hope that means that they are still alive. Connor and I have taken up residence on the floor, directly across from the doorway. Back to the wall, knees to my chest, I rest my head on my arms. Slowly and quietly I hear Connor stand up. "You leavin' me?" not even having the energy to look up at him.

"I thought you were asleep."

"No," how in the world could I sleep, my gut in twisting and tying too much.

"I can't just sit here anymore, I doubt the dishes are salvageable at all; but I'm going to check…help pick up and stuff, I need to keep busy. Let me know the second you hear anything."

Looking up, I give a week smile and nod, "No problem."

He smiled back, "you look like crap."

"Yes… thanks… just what every girl wants to hear."

"Yeah… okay… let me know." Slowly he walks away. My head falls back to my arms; ouch, that hurt, my head weights a lot.

…oooOOOooo…

"Emily,"

"What!" I snap awake, bolting up to a sitting position. I had been laying on the ground, I must have fell asleep, someone had stuck a pillow under my head and a blanket over me. Rubbing my face awake, "Carson, how are they?"

He's kneeling on the ground, "Owen is stable for now, a few broken ribs, lots of cuts and bruises. We stopped the internal bleeding, and set his arm, it was broken in multiple places. He should be fine."

"Viv?"

"Unfortunately Viv took more of the blast…"

"Is she okay?" No, please don't let her…

"I'm very sorry Emily…"

I couldn't say anything else, I tried, my throat closed up. Days worth of emotions crashed though the wall I had built around me. I try to look past him, trying to find my friends though the doorway. My legs don't work when I try to stand up, I just clumsily fall forward. Carson catches me, silent tears fall onto his lab coat. "It's okay, I got ya" he whispers quietly. I cry for more a friend that I will never see again; I cry for my own failure that caused her death, for myself, and for the pain and memories of the past days.

…oooOOOooo…

_alrighty people… only one more chapter… it's mostly written I just have to go over it again… R&R pretty please.. with a cherry on top…_


	6. Saying Goodbye Sucks

_Yay I finally got some reviews other then Chaos (still love ya though)! Even if it's only a few, they are good…double yay! Thank you for those who did like the story, it made me make sure this last chapter was good… After this I'm going to though my full force into my Atlantis/SeaQuest crossover I've been working on (that and my homework I should have been working on)… but I really want to come back to Emily, so I might do that too…lol… Okay.. anyways… back to the story…hope you like it_

**Saying Goodbye Sucks…**

Three days have past since Vivian…died. It's still hard to think about the fact that she is gone. With the power from the new ZPM, we were able to send the bodies of those who died during the wraith attack back home. Back to their families, with no explanation as to how they died. It seems so wrong, but what are we supposed to tell them; "I'm sorry Mr. and Mrs. Dowson, but your daughter died from an alien invasion of the mythical city of Atlantis, which by the way happens to be in another galaxy." Yeah, that sounds _great_. At least the families get their bodies to say goodbye, it would be so much worse if we had nothing to send their families. But _we_ needed closure too, we couldn't just send their bodies back and go on with our lives. I'm fairly sure it was Dr. Weir who planned the wake. A service on the mainland for the fallen, before Weir and a few others headed back to Earth.

When Owen first woke up, I broke the news about Viv. A few tears leaked from his eyes despite his best efforts; I hate to see strong men cry, it wrenches at my heart. That night I fell sleep on the gurney next to him, Carson was kind enough not to kick me out and wake me from the first good sleep I'd gotten in days. Owen had argued with Carson over heading to the mainland, in the end he was allowed to come, but he had to stay in a wheelchair and go straight back to the infirmary when it was over.

The Jumper ride was eerily quiet, and the silence screamed though my ears. Connor sat next to me, he had taken Viv's death hard, I think this is the first time someone close to him has died. Major Lorne is flying us smooth and steady, but the trip seems to drag on. Time seems to slow to a snail's pace; sorta like when you close your eyes while your on a car ride, the ride always seems so much longer. Besides Connor and Owen, and therefore Carson, a few other of Viv's close friends sat in the rear compartment with me. We had decided to head out an hour early for our own memorial before everyone else arrived.

The bag at my feet holds a few of Viv's personal items. A few things that I decided to keep when I cleaned out her room and sent her stuff home. An Athosian bracelet she bartered for the first week we were here. Little blue colored beads on fiber cording, she wore it everyday, she thought of it as a sign of where she was, Atlantis, the Pegasus Galaxy. Her personal star chart she kept, drawn out by hand; creating her own constellations, her own mythologies. I didn't know she knew calligraphy. The last thing I kept was the letter she received from Dr. Weir the same one we all got when we were accepted onto the Atlantis Expedition. I also kept a few pictures that were taken on Atlantis, her friends, the astronomy group. She also printed some beautiful ones of the city, and sunsets and the like she taped to the ceiling over her bed. All things her family wouldn't miss, all things that were part of her life here. A while ago I acquired an elegant Athosian wooden box, beautiful carvings and inlayed stones. I had folded and tucked everything neatly inside.

I find something comforting about burying something, returning it to the Earth…well, to nature anyway. I'd like to think Viv would think the same.

…oooOOOooo…

Connor had dug a shallow hole under a large willow-like tree; the site overlooked the ocean. If you could see far enough, you would be able to see Atlantis from this vantage point. Weir, Sheppard and everyone else would be here soon enough. I gently placed the box in the hollow. "Well, here we are, the point I've been dreading since I stepped on the jumper. I couldn't think of anything to say last night, nothing I thought of was good enough. How to do you summarize someone's life into just a few minutes? Because to say that Vivian will just be _missed,_ is an extreme understatement. There's no way we can thank her for everything she's done here. She brought a life and light to those who knew her… Not to mention her brilliance… her mind was incomparable. I've even see her stop Dr. McKay in his tracks." A sorrowful smile crosses my face. "She believed in this mission, this place… I have a feeling her whole life had been leading up to this."

"Viv had a quote on her wall, she actually painted it… on her wall… in big letters her first week here," another smile. "It's by Carl Sagan. She told me she first read it when she was young; she used to write it on everything, on books, her hands when she was bored, carved it in trees. I'm sure Viv was the kind who dreamed of the stars when she was five and never looked back." Flashes of my own youth pass though my head. "I think…" my voice cracks, I pause, "I think that's why we connected so easily. We grew up with the same thought, that's what brought her out here, brought us all out here."

"If we are alone in the universe; well, then it's an awful waste of space."

"Well Vivian, we aren't alone; we've found friends out here and… enemies. And if I… _EVER_… see one again… they will pay for what they did to you. But Viv, here and now; you are surrounded by those who love you. And we swear to do everything we can to keep your memory living in the halls of Atlantis."

"It was… odd to watch her go. To see her body go though the stargate for the last time." I know I'm about to loose it, I struggle to keep my composure; the hardest part is coming up. "You were my training wheels. I've never been in charge of anything in my life, and you were the one who kept me from falling when I stumbled. Now that you're gone, who will be there to catch me; yell at me when I forget to eat, to sleep, to take a break." Tears freely falling. "To remember deadlines and to focus on what needs to be done. Damn it Vivian, it should have been me, I should have been the one to go out there and fix the stupid satellite… Vivian I'm sorry….. I'm sorry… and you'll never… never be forgotten." I quickly drop a flower I had been holding on top of the wood box, turn and walk away.

…oooOOOooo…

Connor's eyes are boring into the back of my head. I know it's him, you can tell by his footsteps on the dead leaves.

"It's not your fault you know"

"It should have been me…"

"It shouldn't have been anyone."

"Owen is sitting over there in a wheelchair," I point, "and Viv is dead… because I was too lazy to get off my ass and go fix the dish, Because I was feeling bad about myself; about what happened, acting like I was the only one who went thought it."

"No… the Wraith killed Vivian. And Owen's not going to be in that chair for long; you heard Dr. Beckett, he'll be back on duty in a few weeks… And for the record, if you ever need anyone to yell at you, me and Owen will be happy to oblige." Without look at him I know he's smiling, surprisingly a small one creeps across my face. "Look," Connor walks up next to me, turning me to face him. I can't get myself to look at his face. "You and I both know Viv wouldn't want you treating yourself like this. What you went though was horrible, but you survived. We all did, people handle stress in different ways. I know you Emily, you'll be fine." I don't say anything, this is a Connor I've never seen before; he's not the young, just out of school, geeky, genius I'm used to. "The others will be here soon, I'll leave you alone."

As he walks back to the clearing, "Thank you," I yell. He turns and smiles.

…oooOOOooo…

The wake went without incident, Dr. Weir, Major Sheppard and Dr. McKay all gave speeches. Turns out every member of the original Atlantis expedition turned out. They packed in the jumpers, standing room only, even having to make two trips. The city was left in the hands of the Prometheus crew for the time being.

The last of the Alcohol smuggled from Earth was brought out, which wasn't much. Everyone else was supplied with wine from the few Athosians who gathered with us. A flower wreath was placed on the water, floating towards the sunset. A bonfire was set up as it got darker. What started as a solemn night gave way to a night of laughing and smiles, the joy of simple memories remembered. There was even dancing, it may have been the alcohol, or it may have been the relief of what was past. I made my rounds dancing with Connor, Radek, and Carson, before he headed back to Atlantis with Owen and the rest of his patients he had left under the care of Prometheus's doctor. Before he left, I sat with Owen for a while, watching the fire, he said he owes me a dance when he's up and around again. I'll hold him to it. I even snuck in a dance with John Sheppard, Viv would be so jealous, but it's amazing what people will do when intoxicated. The man can fight off the Wraith, probably single handedly if needed; and yet, he still has two left feet.

…oooOOOooo…

I sit in front of the fire, it's now early in the morning, as the gathering was winding down. Everyone's either heading back to the city or surprisingly setting up makeshift tents. The light and smoke dance against the background of stars, Viv is here… along with Peter and everyone else we've lost. As the smoke rises over my head I realize that even in death, Viv still won't let me fall. I reach down to my wrist, rolling the blue beads of her bracelet between my fingers. I never did put it in the box when I packed it, I kept it with me instead. My own reminder of what I had lost, and what I had gained.

_Namárië_

…oooOOOooo…

_well that's it… the end. (if your wondering Namárië is Quenya for farewell, I'm the kind of dork that knows these things.) I enjoyed writing this story cause it was unlike most things I write… it was very difficult at times, but I think it turned out well. Thank you all and goodnight._


End file.
